Entering into a relationship can be both a beautiful thing and a curse; You grow so attached to them that you start to miss them uncontrollably when they’re not with you. When you miss someone so badly, you may find it difficult to focus on yourself and your work, and end up just thinking about them all the time.
Losing someone is necessarily a bad thing. When you miss your partner, you will realize how much you care about them and how big a part of your life they are. There are many reasons why it can be painful to be away from your partner, the main one being that you care deeply about them.
We’ll list 12 other reasons why you feel anxious when you’re away from your partner or why you might feel lonely when your friend leaves. There are actually many scientific reasons why you feel the way you do, so read on to understand why it hurts to be away from your partner.
Related Reading: What Is Separation Anxiety in Relationships?
What is separation anxiety?
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I sleep when my partner is away” or “Why do I feel anxious when my partner is away,” don’t worry. you are not alone. It’s totally normal to miss someone you love.
but, If your anxiety about your partner’s absence is getting in the way of your daily life, that’s cause for concern. If you find yourself thinking anxiously about her all the time while ignoring your work, health, and obligations, you may have separation anxiety.
Psychologists Classify separation anxiety as Anxiety disorder because it disrupts daily functioning. Although it is a cause for concern, it is certainly not a cause for panic and is a situation that is relatively easy to overcome. Getting treatment by a psychiatrist is the best way to overcome this anxiety.
Related Reading: What is Separation Anxiety Disorder? 5 Tips to Deal With It
Why it hurts to be away from your partner – 12 possible reasons
Separation anxiety is an extreme condition. However, at times, it can feel like you are getting physically hurt by missing out. Here are 12 reasons why it hurts to be apart from your partner:
1. It’s your hormones
That’s right, I heard it. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Studies have found that when you’re with your partner, your body produces more oxytocin and vasopressin, two hormones that stimulate the reward center in your brain.
When you are away from your partner, these hormones are produced in smaller amounts, so your body feels like it is going through a phase of withdrawal, which is very similar to drug withdrawal. Because of this, you may feel more lethargic and calm, causing you to feel the physical symptoms of losing someone you love.
2. Anxiety can make you feel more stressed
If you’re a generally anxious person, then over the course of your relationship, you’ve probably grown to think of your partner as a comforting presence. But when they’re not by your side, your anxiety may flare up more frequently than usual, and you end up thinking about your partner more.
This may be why it hurts to be away from your partner because you no longer have that comforting presence to relieve your anxiety. In such situations, try to engage in more self-care activities than you normally would.
Try to find other things, animals, or people to be comfortable with and slowly you’ll become less dependent on your partner for mental well-being.
3. Social pain can appear physically
You may have heard the term “heartache,” but did you know that love can literally make your heart and body ache? When you experience any kind of social pain, including the pain of not getting close to your partner, your brain thinks it’s in physical pain.
Studies have found that when you are upset with your relationship and feel emotional pain, the same physical pain centers in your brain light up.
Since both physical and emotional pain are caused in the same areas of the brain, you may feel heart pain. So if you’ve ever wondered why it hurts to be away from your partner, now you know you can blame your brain for it.
4. Your childhood style of attachment is important
As surprising as it may sound, the way you bonded with your primary caregiver as a child can affect the way you bond with your partner as an adult.
So, let’s say your boyfriend has walked away from you and you miss him, but you also get angry with him and refuse to talk to him, this may be how you responded to your parents whenever they left you for a short period of time.
The example above is just one type of attachment style, called anxiety avoidance. There are two other types of attachment styles: a secure attachment and an anxious attachment. This concept explains why different people experience different feelings and anxiety when they are away from their partner.
Related Reading: How Childhood Trauma and Attachment Styles Show Up In Marriage?
5. You feel a little lost when your partner is not around
One of the reasons being away from your partner is so painful is that sometimes they take your sense of self with them. With your partner not having to offer advice or do things with you, you can feel a little uncertain about everything, which can leave you feeling anxious and sad.
The best way to overcome this is to take small steps. Try doing little things on your own and slowly work around your fear of doing things on your own. Remind yourself that you are perfectly capable of doing things on your own. You’ll still miss him, but for all the right reasons.
6. Pushing them away hurts you more
Being away from someone you love can be nerve-wracking. It is normal to feel sad when you are not with your friend. But sometimes these feelings can lead to anxiety, insecurity, and guilt because of anger at your partner.
These negative feelings can push you to push your partner away, consciously or unconsciously. However, pushing them away makes you miss them even more, and you end up hurting yourself in the process, which will only make you push them away even more.
It can be hard to get out of this loop. This video provides great information on how to stop giving in to this anxiety that makes you distance yourself from your partner-
7. You bring past trauma into the equation
One of the main reasons people feel anxious when they are away from their partner is that they tend to get obsessive about whether or not their partner is cheating on them. This could be because your past long distance relationships ended badly or your ex cheated on you.
It can be hard not to anticipate these insecurities for your current partner, but try to remember that these situations are very different. Your current partner and your ex are two completely different people, so don’t let your past baggage get in the way of your present.
8. You don’t have a good time together
Separation depression is one thing, but it’s even more noticeable during the time you spend together when you feel separated from your partner. This could be because when you are together, you are not communicating in useful ways.
A good way to improve the quality of time you spend together is to engage with each other in a meaningful way. Try to avoid watching TV or being on your phone; Instead, play board games and relax and update each other in your life. This can relieve your emotional stress a lot.
9. A sudden change in your life can make you more nervous
If you have lost your partner more suddenly than ever, think about the changes that have suddenly occurred in your life. Because of these changes, you may instinctively try to get your partner’s support more than usual.
But since he’s not with you, you may experience sudden bouts of insecurity where you wonder why it hurts to be away from your partner, especially when you haven’t been feeling this way for a long time.
10. Relying on others
There is no way around it. You may be completely dependent on your partner for your mental, physical and emotional health. This, of course, isn’t rare, but it can still lead to emotions like “I’d hate to be away from you!” or “You don’t care about me!”.
These accusatory remarks are nothing more than an expression of your dependence on others. This can be distressing for you and your partner. So instead of giving in to controversy in this way, try to think rationally about your feelings.
Related Reading: What Is Codependency – Causes, Signs & Treatment
11. Your communications are becoming unreliable
One of the biggest reasons why leaving your partner hurts is because you no longer communicate the same way you used to.
It can be hard for your relationship to work out when you’re apart, but try different ways to keep in touch and find out what works best for you and your partner.
Related Reading: Top 10 Causes of Relationship Communication Problems
12. Your brain is no longer stimulated
When you are with your partner, your mind tends to be more stimulated and active due to social interaction and feelings of happiness and contentment. However, your partner’s absence can have the opposite effect, and this may be why you feel sad when you’re not with your boyfriend.
Taking the time to get out, interact with people, and engage in social activities can be a great way to energize yourself and feel more alert and productive.
How do you deal with getting away from your partner?
Being away from your partner can be a harsh experience. While there are many self-care and self-help strategies you can use, such as journaling, going on vacation alone, or indulging in a hobby, the best way to overcome separation anxiety is to go to therapy.
Psychiatrists or therapists can help you understand the root cause of what’s bothering you. Based on this, they will be able to guide you in a self-development plan so that you feel less anxious or depressed when your partner is not around while also promoting healthy relationship behaviors.
When two people lose each other a lot, this can have both physical and emotional effects on a person’s well-being. Taking the time to connect with your partner purposefully, engage with other friends and family, and focus on yourself through self-care strategies can reduce emotional stress and anxiety about being separated from your partner.