The first step to recovering from dependency is to stop focusing on others and start looking at yourself. As self-love improves, you become more aware of your feelings and can reframe your boundaries. Healing from a relationship of interdependence is a journey toward self-love and self-acceptance where you will be able to let go and start dealing with your own life.
Recovering from interdependence is really a process of love and acceptance. Easier said than done. The reason is that most of us have not experienced unconditional love and acceptance.
our honest breath Hidden and craves release and expression. Instead, we hold false beliefs about ourselves that we learned in our childhood. We do not realize this because of our wrong thinking. When we grow up in a dysfunctional familyThis is the planet we still live on. We still see the world and ourselves through the distorting lens we have been given.
For example, if we are colorblind to see blue, no amount of logic can replace seeing blue sky. We have to try it. Likewise, we have to experience acceptance to know we deserve it. However, we probably won’t believe it and may not even realize that we don’t.
Restoring self-reliance and deprivation
Denial is the first obstacle to recovery from interdependence. Among the symptoms of dependence on others, it is the first to be overcome and can take time and education because we do not know what we do not know!
Denial includes not only denying our shared dependence, but often also denying abuse, addiction, and other problems. For most dependent people, because of internal shame in childhood, it also includes the denial of feelings and needs. Once out of denial, most of us should learn a set of new skills that we were supposed to learn as children.
Related Topics: Dependence Addiction: Stages of Illness and Recovery
Define and accept your feelings
We have to learn to recognize and respect our feelings. When we do not accept ourselves, we will judge them and question them negatively self talk. However, our feelings guide us to act in our own self-interest and make the right decisions.
Define and fill in your needs
Parenting in recovery by fulfilling our needs is an act of self-love. But first, we must be able to identify our needs And you know how to meet them. For many years, I did not confess when I was alone and needed support. Even when I did, I would continue to isolate myself.
This stemmed from not having an emotional connection with my mother growing up even though I was never alone. But like most dependent people, I’ve had to deal with painful feelings on my own — or by talking to my cat. So first we have to understand our needs and then know how to meet them. If they are shamed and do not respond appropriately, we may not realize we have a need and not know how to meet it.
For some dependent people, reaching out and asking for help is humiliated by childhood shyness. This is an obstacle to obtaining support and healing.
Knowing our feelings helps us identify the need for boundaries. We must recognize and protect them. When our childhood limits are ignored, we don’t learn about them or how to protect ourselves. In healing, we learn to communicate firmly and set boundaries.
This step above all others requires skill, courage, and reliable support. As we grow in self-love in recovery, setting boundaries comes naturally, because we believe we deserve it.
Related: healthy personal Boundaries: Why Setting Boundaries Keeps You Safe
Develop the skills of self-love and self-care
Finally, it is not enough to know all this and accept ourselves, we must also learn self nurturing and self-care. Even if our parents met our physical needs, they were often not able to nurture us emotionally. You can start by listening to a self-love meditation.
It’s never too late to start recovering from co-dependence, but it does require support. Start treatment and join A 12 step program. Get resources and tools over here.
© 2021 Darlene Lancer
Darlene Lancer is a licensed marriage and family therapist and expert author on relationships and dependency. She has counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and is internationally trained. Written by and other online booksellers and has website.
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Written By: Darlene Lancer Originally Appeared On: What Is Codependency