Are you a fun person trapped in a relationship with a narcissist? This is the frustrating toxic pattern that you need to break to live a healthy, happy and fulfilling life.
Who is the cheerleader people?
Make people happy refers to people who want to be loved by everyone. They find it difficult to say no to others. And then they end up saying yes to everyone and everything. They find it frustrating that someone doesn’t like them because they are always seeking outward validation from others. They believe that pleasing others is the only and best way to be accepted.
They have poor boundary-setting skills and often end up doing things they may not personally like. They are willing to do anything and everything to please and delight everyone around them. As a result, they often hide their true selves and portray a more likable character. National bestselling author Vanessa Van Edwards Writes “The person who pleases people is the person who tries very hard to please others. They often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their valuable time or resources away from them.. “and adds”People who are happy often act the way they do because of their fears and low self-esteem.”
Read also: Being Pleasant to People: Why It’s Dangerous and How to Stop
Is it wrong to please people?
Trying to please others may not seem like the worst thing you can do. There is nothing wrong with being kind and gentle to please others. But when you ignore yourself and avoid your own needs and happiness just to please others, it can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. Author Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT explain “Making people happy is not just about being enthusiastic or kind to others. And pleasing people doesn’t compromise. “They have no choice.”Their behavior has become a way of life. It’s compulsive, because they are unable to say no,” she adds.
When you try to make others feel better or control their reactions by changing your behaviors, words, and even your personality, it can become a harmful and unhealthy habit. By bending over backwards to do things that others might like, you do your best to be more accepting and likable. You invest your time, effort, and energy into pleasing others because you lack self-confidence, have low self-esteem, and are full of insecurities. Processor Erica Myers Says “The desire to please others can be harmful to ourselves, and perhaps our relationships, when we allow the desires of others to be more important than our own.. “
Read also: 11 things people are happy to do unintentionally
In their efforts to avoid external conflict, people’s pleasure ends up creating a huge internal conflict. This can seriously affect their career, relationships and personal life. “The anger, resentment, hurt, and conflict we’ve always tried to avoid keep growing. Being alone may seem like a welcome escape from these challenges, but then we’ll end up sacrificing our connection to others, which is what we really want.explain Darlene Lancer.
People-pleasing can be a harmful habit and a serious problem. If you are wondering whether or not you are a fun person, here are some signs to watch out for according to psychotherapist and author Amy Morin, LCSW:
- You pretend to agree with others even though you may disagree internally
- You feel personally responsible for what the people around you may feel
- You apologize to others more than you should and blame yourself unnecessarily
- You always do what other people want you to do and feel heavy because of it
- You find it hard to say no to others, so you either say yes or lie to avoid it
- You can compromise your values to please others because you don’t want to upset anyone
- You pretend to be someone you are not and engage in self-destructive behavior to make others like you
- Having external validation is very important to you because you value highly what other people think of you
- You avoid conflict at all costs and sacrifice your position and give it up easily
- You never tell others your true feelings or your emotional pain, which damages your relationships
Read also: 5 lessons for people pleasing