written by: Hilary Jacobs HendelLCSW, author It’s not permanent depression
Trauma has always been a word associated with a catastrophic event: a car accident, a war experience, child abuse, or being the victim of a crime. So, it was an “aha” moment to learn that symptoms of trauma, such as depression, can be caused by repeated instances of emotional neglect. Childhood emotional neglect It comes in many forms and is more common than one would hope.
Here are some examples of emotional disregard:
1. Rachel, age 8, was afraid to go to school. Her father repeatedly told her that there was nothing to be afraid of and that she should not be a “scary cat”. Dad did not ask what she was afraid of, nor did he spend any time trying to understand Rachel’s fear from her point of view.
2. Johnny told his mother that he hates his little brother and regrets having given birth to him. In the next moment, he was startled by a hard slap on his face. Johnny was told never to speak in that obnoxious way again.
3. Barb, 12, kicked the winning soccer goal. The car rode high with feelings of excitement, joy, and pride in having played a great game. Instead of reconciling her enthusiasm with a big smile of pride, her mother immediately pointed out the “ugly” juice red stain on her shirt. She was wrecked.
Read 5 ways childhood emotional neglect causes depression in adulthood
When our emotions are nullified, we feel overwhelmingly insulted. It provokes anger and even anger, depending on how young we are when emotional neglect began as well as how often it occurs.
David, a former client of mine, grew up with parents who were wary of emotional offerings. When David cried, when he was a child, he was told he had nothing to grieve or “to taste!” When David got scared, he was told to stop being a child. When he was excited, he was told to cool off. When he was angry at his parents they were insulted and left him alone. They never ask what’s up? how do you feel? or are you ok
David, now 30, appeared in therapy with Depressionn. He blamed himself for his suffering, and described his privileged upbringing with his parents who were very supportive of him. He attended private schools and received a generous allowance, and was really grateful to his parents for their gifts.
We soon discover that part of what led to his depression was the conflict between the positive and negative feelings of his parents. He found it difficult to validate his emotions. feeling guilty inhibited emotion on me change triangleHe left his anger, a primary emotion, buried and resurrected. Most people don’t realize that we can be grateful to our parents for giving us life, financial security and making sacrifices, and at the exact same time, we feel angry at them for not meeting our emotional needs. This understanding helps us embrace our complex and conflicting emotional worlds.
As David grew from a teenager to a young man, his depression only got worse. This made sense because his anger was still pent-up. To crush anger, the mind summons up discouraging emotions such as anxiety, guilt, and Shame, which is considered effective in removing anger from conscious awareness. But they also feel awful and undermine confidence and luxury. Moreover, the cost of suppressing chronic anger is depression. The energy needed for vitality and external engagement is diverted to keep anger driven down so we don’t lose control or get rushed.
Read How to Grow Mentally: 15 Simple Tips
Healing depression by releasing anger
One effective way to relieve and even cure depression is to release the overwhelming burden of our visceral anger. How is it?
Imaging anger, a common technique in Accelerated Experimental Psychodynamic Therapy (AED)It is very therapeutic. In short, the depiction of anger guides the person in recognizing the anger in their own body. Anger usually feels heat, energy, and tension. Then, by observing and staying with the physical sensations inherent in the feelings of anger, motives and images emerge, like a movie. Allow
The film unfolds in real time, giving the person himself permission to visualize exactly what the anger wants to do to the one who hurts him. In this way anger comes in and out, and symptoms of depression shift.