In this life, no one is safe from becoming a single parent. However, the most important thing for any parent, regardless of raising a child in pairs or alone, is raising a noble and happy person.
What is mindful education? What should be emphasized in children’s education? This article will talk about seven rules to keep in mind if you are a single parent.
Conscious parenting tips for single moms or dads
Parenting is a blessing of fate but it is also a huge responsibility. In any area of life, it is easier to achieve success when you know what to count on. These seven basic rules will not only help you become a more mindful single parent, but will also positively impact your relationship with your child.
1. The child is a guest in your home and in your heart
As much as you love your child, don’t let that sweet, bright feeling develop into a painful attachment. Very often, single parents try to fill the void of an absent mother or father and forget about the main thing. A child is a separate independent person who will grow up sooner or later, leave his home and go out into the world, where they build his own space.
In no way should you realize your unfulfilled desires and ambitions through your child. The child is your continuation, but only if we are talking about the family tree. For the rest, they are self-sufficient human beings who must have their own dreams and desires, learn from their mistakes, and build their own reality. This is the basis of conscious education.
2. Get rid of destructive guilt
Suppose we are talking about situations when, on your own initiative, you divorce or leave your second parents. In this case, guilt is a frequent companion: guilt in front of the child for not keeping the family together and improving relations with their second parent.
Moreover, guilt is such a toxic feeling that it exists even when the same partner leaves you with the child. People here are prone to self-flagellation.
Another foundation of mindful parenting is that only a happy parent can have happy children. But, first, your child will interpret your guilt as weakness. After all, when we feel guilty in front of someone, we allow them more. Therefore, your child will read your “pain points” and skillfully manipulate them.
Secondly, guilt will prevent you from raising a child rationally, taking into account unconditional love and the necessary severity of respect, discipline, rules in society, etc., especially if we are talking about raising a boy. Feeling guilty, you will lose the strength and ability you need to nurture your child’s morals, honor and dignity.
3. Finding a balance between affection and discipline
Mindfulness for new parents includes discipline, which is vital for a child. Through discipline, they learn to act in society and to be aware of the limits of others. However, be careful not to overdo it.
The child is a very weak unit. First and foremost, they need love and affection. In order to grow up as a self-sufficient person with harmonious self-esteem, they must feel love from an early age. And even if they are rightly punished for misbehavior, they are still loved.
4. Give your child the freedom to be themselves
So what is a vigilant parenting blog without talking about child freedom? We have already discussed that sooner or later your child will leave your home and become independent. However, in order for the separation from the parent to occur as gently as possible and at the request of the child, they must gain independence from an early age.
Let them make mistakes, learn from them, miss games, build relationships with peers on the playground or in the kindergarten. But teach them to be responsible for their freedom and their actions. They must not only do “what their hearts desire,” but must also deal with the consequences of this freedom.
5. You are a friend of a child, but you are not a companion; A guide, but not a tyrant
Conscious parenting advice includes limits. They are necessary and set by the parent. You have to be the most reliable person in a child’s life. Balance is also important here: you are a friend, but not a companion.
You command the child but do not overrule it. Any concept can be skewed, so watch it. Very few children can call their parents “good friends” because they often put themselves above children and do not take their opinions into account.
The same story applies to counseling: of course, it is a lot easier to be a tyrant who only orders what needs to be done, and much more difficult to be a wise counselor who gives advice but still leaves room for choices and mistakes. The main difference is that a friend and a mentor accept their child, while a friend, just like a tyrant, will never be trusted.
6. Be honest: don’t lie about the little things and don’t make promises you’ll never keep
We, the adults, don’t like being lied to. So why do we often lie about the little things to our children? Parents cannot always explain complex things to children, so it is easy for them to lie. Get rid of this addiction.
Let your word be worth something. Learn how to express yourself in a child-friendly language. For example, if you don’t know how to talk about sex, there is a lot of decent literature on the subject.
Do not promise what you cannot do, and the child will trust you more, after he sees your sincerity. Don’t lie because a “good lie” is also a somewhat slippery slope in raising a child. Instead, build trust, honesty, and open relationships. Don’t set an example that it’s okay to lie.
7. Don’t talk badly about the other parent
Whatever situation you are in with your partner, never say anything bad about him. You don’t need to be a fighter for justice here. Instead, be a loving parent who wants to raise a child without nodules and trauma. Every child wants to know that they were born in love.
If you don’t have anything good to say about the second parent, be as neutral as possible. For example, suppose they choose their own path. In any case, they had a child, so they should at least be thanked for this. Furthermore, never vent your anger and resentment at your ex-partner over the baby. It is essential not only for the mental health of the child but also for your own health.
In the event that you are currently in an acute conflict with a second partner, contact special centers and support groups. Created specifically to provide advice to single mothers.
One last note
Parenting is incredibly happy and challenging at the same time. To be a mindful parent to your child, you first need to become a mindful person for yourself. And yes, love works wonders! Keep that in mind, and your child will pay you a hundredfold.