Psychological health

6 Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions in Relationships

Let’s be real here.

For most of us – myself included – life is fast-paced and full of the stresses of family, relationships, and work.

This reality, along with the ever-increasing pressures of technology and society at large, can really affect your marriage.

As a result, difficult emotions such as anger, confusion, fear, loneliness, and sadness can arise, to name a few. Such feelings are often the most present and powerful forces in your life.

The key to overcoming these difficult feelings is vigilance! exercise vigilance It enables you to calm and calm yourself. In this case, you have the space to think and respond thoughtfully, rather than react.

Following these six steps will help you understand and deal with your difficult feelings in an conscious way:

1. Direct your emotions with acceptance

Once you become aware of the feelings you are feeling, note where they are in your body. You may feel stomach pain, throat tightness, palpitations in your heart, or tension somewhere.

Sit down with that anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, guilt, sadness, shame, or whatever emotion you’re feeling. Be aware of it and don’t ignore it. If that’s difficult, get up and walk around or get a cup of tea.

The key here is not to push the emotion away. Packing them inside will only cause them to explode and explode later, leading to more difficult emotions or even complete emotional shutdown. Listen to your difficult feelings. They’re trying to help you wake up to what’s going on before a major crisis hits.

2. Define and label the emotion

Instead of saying “I’m angry,” say “This is anger” or “This is anxiety.” This way, you are acknowledging its existence, while at the same time enabling you to stay away from it.

When my husband was in the hospital before his death, I felt a deep sense of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear.

I needed to recognize and identify feelings and say to myself,

“I know I have anxiety and fear right now and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll just be with him.”

Although it remained a very painful experience until the end, defining and categorizing my feelings in this way allowed me to take some of the pain out of what I was feeling.

This, in turn, allowed me to stay in the present, as opposed to pushing me into the future, or getting caught up in the past. Going either way would have only made me blame myself. I can only imagine what this critical voice would have sounded like, “If only I had done something different, there might have been a different outcome.”

3. Accept your feelings

When you feel a certain emotion, don’t deny it. Acknowledge and accept that the feeling is there, whether it’s anxiety, sadness, grief, or whatever you’re going through at that moment. Through conscious acceptance, you can embrace difficult feelings with compassion, awareness, and understanding toward yourself and your partner.

Think of a friend or family member who might have a hard time with this.

What will you tell them?

Put the scenario of what you are going to say to them in your mind’s eye.

Now, say the same thing to yourself: “I’m fine. I’m not to blame. I did my best.”

Carry these images and phrases within you with kindness and tenderness. Extend that act of kindness toward yourself and be aware of what’s going on inside of you. In this way, you will gain strength not only to calm yourself, but also to your partner.

You will soon realize that it is not your anger, fear, sadness, or any other difficult emotion you are feeling.

Instead, you will begin to experience these feelings in a fleeting way, like clouds passing through the sky. Being open about your feelings allows you to create a space of awareness, curiosity, and expansion that you can then apply to your relationship and any other aspect of your life.

4. Realizing the instability of your feelings

Every one of your feelings is impermanent. They arise and reside inside you for a while, and then disappear. It’s easy to forget this when you’re in the midst of dealing with difficult emotions.

Allow yourself to watch your emotions and observe them with interest and patience, giving them room to shift and, in many cases, evaporate completely.

To embrace this process, ask yourself:

“What is this feeling and where? What do I need now?

How can I take care of it? What can I do for my partner?

What can my partner do for me? How can we, as a couple, turn toward each other with gentle acts of love? “

Asking and responding to these focused questions, in turn, will go a long way to fostering empathy, compassion, and communication within your relationship.

5. Inquiry and inquiry

After you have calmed down and calmed down from the influence of your feelings, take a minute to dive deep and explore what happened.

Ask yourself: “What excites me?

What makes me feel this way? What is my discomfort and where does it originate?

Was it the result of my critical thinking, or was it a reaction to something my partner said or did? “

Perhaps you had a hard day at work or had a hard time dealing with your family. You may feel unappreciated, lonely, or separated as a result of your interaction with someone.

Whatever the cause or trigger, look at it closely and ask yourself, “what’s happening here?”

Consider what was said or done and compare it to your values.

What are your expectations about the situation?

What reactions or judgments caused anger or anxiety? Is this a pattern that keeps emerging?

Asking yourself these critical questions and investigating the roots of your difficult feelings will help you gain empathy and insight into what you’re going through.

Taking yourself off autopilot and trusting your deepest and truest self to answer these questions about your situation will create space to see things from a different perspective. This will eventually allow you and your partner to be more present and connected to each other.

6. Let go of the need to control your emotions

The key to carefully dealing with difficult emotions is to let go of your need to control them. Instead, be open about the outcome and what will happen.

Get out of yourself and really listen to what your partner is feeling and what they want to say. Only then will you truly gain a deep understanding of your feelings and the interactions around them in your relationship.

Consciously dealing with emotions is difficult and takes time. Be kind, compassionate, and patient with yourself and your partner. You are in this together!

As Dr. John Gottman said, “In good relationships people get angry, but in a completely different way. The masters of marriage see the problem a bit like football. They kick it around. It is our problem.”

We are fortunate to live in a world where you and your partner can take the time to explore, discuss, and learn about mindfulness and your emotions. Don’t take anything for granted, life is fragile and fleeting!

Try these 6 strategies for dealing with your tough feelings that are bothering you in relationships!

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