“Texting is basically a sneaky form of communication that we should despise, but it’s a blessing we don’t care about. We are all sneaking around now.” – Lynn Truss
This request would have seemed crazy twenty-five years ago.
Now this is how many of us communicate; It’s easy, fun and convenient. It unlocks time in your day to be more productive. Or enjoy a little Netflix.
Quick text can be convenient and efficient for work, and allows you to keep in touch with friends and family. Longer text conversations can be had while you’re cooking, working out, or getting busy at the same time. Group texts can be fun – and upsetting times, with plenty of “hit.” And you bet he can feel a little intrusive.
However, you pick up your phone and answer, even when you don’t prefer…or worse, it takes your attention away from what you’re doing.
How can text messages lead to problems?
1) You can explain the “reason” for the non-response or the delay in responding in an illogical or wrong way..
What is it Neurologically wonderful About texting is that dopamine is released when you are waiting for a response – and what does dopamine do? It is known as the seeker neurotransmitter. It is released when you are looking for something that you expect will be fun. The higher the amount of dopamine, the more it is required.
So, what happens when a response doesn’t arrive? An hour can make you believe you’ve been abandoned, forgotten, disrespected, ghosted, or even a few minutes can lead to imagining a disaster – that the absent sender has been kidnapped. You can text other friends for advice and the “why” can be the subject of endless painful speculation.
It’s even worse when you see those three little blinking dots, only to see them disappear. The theories begin to work. And you were. debris. There’s no longer dopamine going on… cortisol and so anxiety is rampant. or anger.
And there’s the dreaded one-word response. And let’s not forget the file Drunk texting Late at night.. not usually positive.
Related: Why phone calls are better than text messages reveals new study
2) Text messages are ignoring those around you..
I don’t think we realize how much innate power the act of texting in front of someone else in that relationship has. think about it. You’re lounging over your phone, head down, laughing especially, or quickly move your fingers over the keys. You are not currently with them at all, or certainly not at all. No wonder it leads to mistrust issues.
Then there are texting as an alternative to real live chats.
I had a young patient who was miserable here at our local university. Let’s call her Lisa. Lisa was from another state, and she complained to me, “Everyone already has their friend groups.” I asked her what she did as she walked between classes.
“I usually text my mom.”
“I wonder if the person right next to you, going up the stairs and entering the same classroom, might be someone to welcome?”
“I never thought of that.”
Lisa was not available to anyone around her because she laughed with her mother or told her how miserable she was.
3) Texting can be a haven or a way to avoid intimacy…
There is agonizing sadness in seeing a supposedly family or couple out to dinner all on their phones.
I don’t quite know what to think. Are they uncomfortable? unhappy? There is nothing to talk about? Don’t they realize that time is a gift? Are the game they’re playing, or the scores they’re checking, that important?
RELATED: 7 Ways Modern Day Texting Is Ruining Your Life and Relationships
4) Texting can make betrayal so easy…
“She used to take out her phone, and she was laying down. I noticed this was no longer happening. I took it everywhere with her. When I showered, I picked it up.”
“I was using his phone for something on Google, and I saw their text messages.”
Text discovery has become a prevalent way for people to learn about things, be it sexual or emotional. Perhaps you are the one having an intimate, exciting relationship with another person that makes your everyday life more exciting but otherwise feels innocent. But it’s a secret. Don’t share conversations with your partner, because you know it will hurt them. This is a deception by omission. and talk about it dopamine…
What can be done about it?