When our self-esteem is low, which is typical of co-dependence, we are more likely to develop depression. Self-reliance is learned, as well as self-esteem, beliefs and habits that cause low self-esteem and depression.
Self-esteem is what we think about ourselves. Includes positive and negative self-evaluations. Good self-esteem is a realistic and positive self-concept. It reflects self-esteem and implies a sense of worth that is not determined by comparison or approval of others. Self-acceptance (which some writers include as part of self-esteem) is deeper. It is a feeling that you are good enough, neither perfect nor not enough. We feel valued and loved, not just because of beauty, talent, achievement, intelligence, status, or popularity. It is a feeling of inner contentment.
We each have an intrinsic value, not based on how we perform or what we do or deliver. Just as every child and every breed of animal is unique and worthy of love, so are we. Unfortunately, many of us grew up in families where love was not present, conditional, or had to be earned. We believed that we had to win or win the love of a parent.
As a result, we fear being original for fear of being hated. We may pursue people who cannot love us and reject those who love us. We “over” or “over give” in relationships and at work, and we end up feeling resentful, exploited, or exploited.
Related Topics: Self-Editing: How to Rewrite Your Toxic Life Stories
Habits that cause low self-esteem and depression
If you conclude that self-esteem is essential to enjoying your life and enjoying lasting and healthy relationships, you are right!
The following bad habits, typical of dependent people, can make you feel insecure, ashamed, anxious, sad, and hopeless:
1. Compare yourself negatively with others.
2. Find the fault in yourself.
3. Replace yourself with “should.”
4. Offer self-criticism to others and imagine that they are judging you.
5. Do not try new things to avoid falls.
7. Doubt your instincts and decisions.
8. Ignore your needs and desires.
9. Don’t set boundaries and allow abuse, criticism or exploitation.
10. Refuse to forgive yourself
When we compare ourselves to another person, either favorably or unfavorably, we measure ourselves by an external standard. Feeling “better than” someone is really a way to compensate for the underlying shame and low self-esteem. The elevator we’re getting is wrong. It would be much more helpful to ask why we need to compare ourselves to someone else.
When we compare ourselves negatively, it is self-deprecating. We feel inferior, lose confidence, and love ourselves less. It frustrates our mood and discourages us.
An active inner critic surrounds us with what we should and should not do, guessing what we have already done. Discovering the usual errors can lead us to assume that others see us as we see ourselves. In this way, we project our criticism onto others and expect and feel the effects of the criticism or judgment we imagine, even when nothing is happening. This leads to anxiety, shyness, people-pleasing and conflicts in relationships.
Low self-confidence leads to fear of making mistakes, appearing fools, or failing. Our self-esteem is always on the line, so it’s safe not to try anything new to avoid appearing incompetent or unsuccessful. This is another reason to put off new or difficult tasks or experiences.
Related: 5 life-changing habits that build self-esteem
At the same time, we grumble and criticize ourselves for failing to achieve our goals. Instead of taking risks, we make the mistake of not trying, which guarantees “failure” and low self-esteem.
Accommodating others at a young age leaves us unsure of our values and beliefs and encourages dependence on others. Decision making becomes difficult, even crippling. Low self-esteem and shame heighten our fear of making mistakes, leading to self-doubt, insecurity and indecision. Instead, we procrastinate or look to others to validate opinions, opinions, and answers, which undermines our self-confidence and self-esteem.